The Fight Between Make It or Break It
I have reached that point in my habit where it’s make or break.
I’ve now been writing for almost two weeks and publishing over a week. It’s a great accomplishment. I’m proud of myself.
But now, I’m feeling like I’ve let it run its’ course and now I’m ready to stop doing it. Not even try something new and different, just stop altogether.
This is the part where consistency will make or break you.
If I keep going, it becomes ingrained in my routine. If I stop, I give up on a habit I’ve been building and something I supposedly want. Not going to lie, it’s hard.
Writing every day is hard. Committing yourself to a habit is hard. And I try to remind myself it’s supposed to be this way.
I think of every silly mantra in the book that I can. Nothing worth having comes easy. So, I push forward.
I want to get results. Even more, I don’t want to give up. If I give up, it feels like I’m giving up on myself and I don’t want that.
If you give up on yourself, then it’s bad all around. You feel bad about yourself, it impacts your self-esteem, and you reinforce a certain pattern in your behavior.
I can’t tell you what changed in me, all I know is that it did. Maybe it’s because my brain’s chemistry has been forever altered. Who knows?
All I know is that I don’t want to go backward. I want to go forwards. It is the hardest thing I will ever do in my life.
I’m reminded of my favorite quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy is talking to her sister, Dawn, and she tells her, “The hardest thing you will do in life is live it.” And it’s true.
Life is one hard mother flipper. Nobody ever said life would come easy. It’s inherent by nature, but it doesn’t make it any easier to cope.
Knowing that is supposed to make us feel better, I suppose. At least that’s what I figure.
The other thing is that I’m not going to let myself give up that easy. When you’re ready for battle, you’re ready to fight. And I’m fighting like hell. You fight because that’s what makes life worth it. I am fighting my way to a better life, whether or not it’s easy.
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