3 Habits I Maintain to Help Me Stay Mentally Strong
I went from ‘I want to die’ to feeling grateful I was alive.
Photo by Chris Nguyen on Unsplash
“I don’t want to be alive.”
I wrote back in 2019. It wasn’t the first time, nor the last, I ever said it. I just moved to LA and was struggling to settle in. I was on the brink of depression, managing to survive most days.
One night, I had a particularly rough time. I bawled on the sofa bed in my sublet. I opened a voice memo and started recording. Most of it was me crying. I titled it ‘Get help,’ knowing at one point I would have some strength to deal with it.
I made an appointment at the LGBT center, got on meds, and spoke with a therapist.
It would be 3 more years and a few more disasters before I truly got help.
Cut to the present and I’m mentally stronger than I’ve ever been. I laugh, I have hobbies, and I feel alive for the first time in over a decade.
I’ve been able to maintain this strength for about a year now. I feel strong and stable. Every time I speak to my therapist or psychiatrist, I report good mood stability. One of my friends recently asked me, “How do you do it?”
Have a routine
Right around the time I was getting out of the mental hospital, my cousin was looking for volunteers to help her with a coaching program. Since I was desperately in need of getting my life together, I jumped at the chance.
We Facetimed every day for about a week, going over what I was doing and what she recommended I do.
She helped me build a customized routine I followed daily, to the letter.
Having a routine helped me establish stability and regulation. Since I planned on doing the same things at the same time, it allowed me to take the guesswork out of my day. It let me live freely within the confines.
The confines allowed me to free up my mental space. I didn’t have to decide what to do or consider in depth what was the best thing to do. I just did.
Shortly after, I got my first job. Although my routine changed, I still had a defined schedule.
That schedule gave me sanity and peace of mind.
To do: Create a routine that works for your schedule. Plan when, where, and what you will do, and it will create stability.
Be an active participant
During my recovery, I heard a certain phrase multiple times. I would hear it from my doctors, and my sister echoed it.
You have to be an active participant in your recovery.
It was one of the most important shifts in my thinking. Being an active participant shifts you out of your reactive life state.
You stop reacting to things and act upon them instead.
I decided part of my recovery was that I had to engage in hobbies. One was knitting. I spent all my free time knitting and making dozens of scarves, blankets, and hats. I basically knit my way through recovery.
But it wasn’t enough. I needed something that gave me purpose. I thought about all the things I loved and always wanted to do — one of which was writing.
I picked it up slowly. I started writing articles every day as a way to process and cope. The more I did it, the better I felt. I realized that writing gave me purpose.
By sharing my words, feelings, and ideas I reached a state of fulfillment.
To do: Do things that matter to you. Engage in hobbies even when you don’t feel like it. Eventually, they become part of your routine and make you feel whole.
Photo by adrianna geo on Unsplash
Support network
Finally, I learned how to lean on my friends and family for help. I was in an outpatient support group as I transitioned from the mental hospital back into the real world. I met people who were experiencing the same things, and they understood what I was going through.
As I started going to therapy, I talked about my goals with my therapist. I discussed my need for a support group. I needed a circle of people I could go to and reach out to. He encouraged me to build those relationships, and I challenged myself to do it.
I started talking to my cousin regularly, creating a new relationship. I kept in touch with my friends from the hospital. I made it a point to go out of my way to engage with people.
The more I engaged, the better I felt. I didn’t even have to talk about myself or my journey. Being around, and talking to, other people has an effect on you.
It might not always be positive, but there is something to be said about human interaction. That’s part of why we’ve suffered so much as a society during the pandemic. We need community. We need others.
I found that people gave me purpose too, it wasn’t just writing. When I isolate myself, I feel worse than when I am around people. When I get to share myself with someone, I feel happy. And life isn’t fun on your own.
I needed people, and you need them too.
To do: Build close relationships with a few people. You don’t need many, 1–3 can work wonders. Stay in touch with them weekly or daily.
Final thoughts
In one of my last sessions with my therapist, I thanked him for all his help. I couldn’t have gotten to a healthy place without it. He stopped me.
“You’re the one who did all the work.” He wasn’t wrong. I had to do the hard work every day. I woke up, wanting to take the easy way out, but knowing I had to choose the hard way.
It takes time and work to make it to a place of peace, but it’s so worth it. I went from wanting to die to feeling grateful I was alive. I’m not going to lie. It’s not easy. You have to make tough choices.
But you can be strong.
You can find purpose.
You can be happy.
And if I can do it, so can you.
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