Your Self-Identity is Rooted in Depression

Your sense of identity is distorted

Photo by cottonbro: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-with-blonde-hair-covering-her-face-with-her-hand-7859930/

Who are you?

That was the question posed to us by my college English teacher. She asked us to take a few minutes to write down our answers.

As I stared down at my paper, nothing came to mind. I was clueless and unhappy with the answers I came up with. So, I finally came up with something.

For whatever reason, my teacher selected me out of all of the students and asked me to share my response.

I glanced down at my paper, then loudly stated, “I am not a label.”

She laughed. “Maggie’s not playing my game.”

What is Self-Identity?

Your self-identity is how you refer to yourself. It’s the answer to the question ‘who are you?’

When I said, “I was not a label,” I was proud. I wasn’t confining myself to labels or boxes because a human can’t be put in a box. The human spirit is wild and free and can’t be nailed down.

But that doesn’t stop self-identity from being a thing. You still need a way to understand yourself. So, you decide on your self-identity.

Self-identity is the awareness and identification of oneself. It’s how you understand yourself.

It’s formed by internalizing values from your surroundings. Often, you will internalize the values you learned from your parents.

A runner, friend, sister, and daughter. It’s all the labels you give yourself.

Identity Crisis And Threats to Your Self-Identity

It’s necessary to have a strong sense of self. When you don’t you’re at risk for constant identity crises. I’ve been through my fair share of them, and they aren’t fun.

There will be many times throughout your life when your self-identity comes into question. You will always question your identity, as it is ever-evolving. You choose your value.

However, there are a few things, in particular, that may incite a crisis. Any of the following may provoke an identity crisis.

Moving
Job change
Traumatic event
Loss of a loved one
Mental health issues
Physical health issues
Change in relationship

It’s typically in times of change where the stress weighs on your identity. The stress degrades your resources and targets you.

When you’re going through an identity crisis, it can be rough. You may not even know you’re in one, so here are some signs you may be experiencing an identity crisis.

No purpose
Low self-esteem
Feeling lost/aimless
Emotionally scattered
Questioning your values
Increased insecurity, anxiety, or depression.

The loss of identity can be scary. It’s hard when you don’t know who you are and you’re constantly questioning yourself.

It’s another fun cycle where if you don’t know who you are, it may lead to depression. Having depression may lead to a lost sense of self. I don’t know about you, but this isn’t my idea of fun.

The big problem with this is when you start to identify with negative emotions and thoughts. This is a problem for those with mental illness. You start to identify as depressed or anxious and suddenly that’s who you become.

Entrenched in Depression

Your depression is part of you. You figure that’s one of the labels to attach to yourself. But when you attach this to yourself, you’re putting your self-identity in danger.

You become someone who is depressed. Depression becomes your identity.

Since mental states can change, anytime you identify with negative emotions, such as depression, you risk discomfort any time you’re not depressed.

You think to yourself ‘well, I’m depressed’ and are unable to appreciate the fact that emotions are fleeting.

Your mental illness is part of your identity for better or worse. It’s been around so long that you’re used to it being there. You get used to certain symptoms, limitations, and failures associated with your illness.

Your Emotions Are Lying to You

More often than not, your emotions are not even accurate. It’s easy to assume that you process our emotions in a logical way. Something makes you mad, so you feel mad. Something makes you happy, so you feel happy.

Let’s take a look at the famous ‘Love Bridge’ study. In the study, 85 men walked across an unsteady, shaky bridge 200 feet up above shallow waters. After they stepped off the bridge, they were approached by an attractive woman who offered her name and phone number.

The men were compared to a second group, who walked across a stable bridge and were again approached by an attractive woman who offered her name and phone number.

The men on the unstable bridge were significantly more likely to call the woman than the men on the stable bridge. So, what happened here?

On the unstable bridge, the men were placed in a position of fear. Their body went into a state of arousal where all of their senses were heightened.

The men on the stable bridge had lower rates of fear and arousal.

When the men on the unstable bridge walked off and were approached by the woman, they accidentally misattribute their state of arousal to sexual attraction. The men didn’t even think of the fact they stepped off a terrifying bridge. Nobody realized their arousal had nothing to do with the woman.

This phenomenon is known as misattribution of arousal. It means people make mistakes determining where their arousal comes from.

Diversify Your Identity

“When you have money, it’s always smart to diversify your investments. That way if one of them goes south, you don’t lose everything. It’s also smart to diversify your identity, to invest your self-esteem and what you care about into a variety of different areas — business, social life, relationships, philanthropy, athletics — so that when one goes south, you’re not completely screwed over and emotionally wrecked.” — Mark Manson

If you simply label yourself as a ‘depressed’ person, you’re always going to be depressed. You don’t give yourself the opportunity to be anything other than that.

The fix to that is to diversify your identity. In the same way, you don’t put all your eggs in one basket, you don’t want to put your identity into one thing.

You are made up of so much more than just depression. Recognize that and diversify. Understand that just because you feel depressed does not mean depression is a part of you.

Reframing Your Mindset

Words matter. As a writer, this is something I know very well. Writing is an art. Every word is like a brush stroke, and you’re the painter. You have to paint this beautiful picture and write elegant prose.

The point is your words matter. The things you tell yourself matter because those are the things you end up repeating.

Everything you say to yourself makes a difference. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. What you believe determines your thoughts and actions. You think and behave in a way that will ultimately confirm your beliefs.

If you change what you say to yourself, you can change your beliefs. Stop saying you hate yourself and you might stop hating yourself. Point out all the things you love about yourself. Affirm those things every day. Allow yourself to feel positive things.

Final Thoughts

If you’re not careful, your mental illness will become your identity. When that happens, you put yourself at risk. Nobody wants to be known as ‘the depressed person.’

You can take the reigns and diversify your identity. Don’t let yourself be pigeonholed, especially not by your mental illness. You are so much more than whatever that is.

You get to define who you are, nobody else.

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