It’s Not Okay to Not Be Okay
If you share your opinions on social media, they’re going to be critiqued.
These were the words I recently read from a friend on Facebook. She shared a group page called, ‘It’s not okay to not be okay,’ and immediately it rubbed me the wrong way.
Her intention was harmless. Her intention was that she didn’t want people to suffer, and ‘it’s not okay to not be okay,’ was a call to arms to help those who are struggling. It was a concern about people collectively suffering from mental illness and distress, but it gave off the wrong message.
This message is hugely invalidating for two reasons. One is that emotions are what make us human and we’re going to experience a whole spectrum of emotions, whether we like it or not. Not all of our emotions are going to make you feel good, but why should they?
The nature of life is that it’s messy. Saying that it’s not okay to not be okay invalidates the negative emotions.
The second is that having a wide experience of emotions is healthy. You’re not meant to be happy all the time, the same way you’re not meant to be sad all the time. Emotions change. They don’t stay the same. Nothing ever stays the same.
The truth is some days I feel better than others. Some days I can be productive and feel decent and other days I feel like trash. On those days, it’s okay if I feel like trash.
More importantly, it’s necessary for me to feel that way and it’s necessary that it gets validated.
‘It’s not okay to not be okay’ invalidates a person’s emotions and implies that we should be okay all the time, which is impossible. That’s not a normal thing to be okay all the time.
Life is chaotic and messy and expecting people to be okay all the time is ignorant.
Otherwise, you end up suppressing emotions, which is also unhealthy. You can’t suppress your emotions and not feel them. Suppressing your emotions just leads to unresolved trauma, and you’re going to need lots of therapy to get over that.
While I can appreciate a person’s concern and intention, the impact it has is far greater. You have to be aware of what you’re saying because there is no telling who is going to be impacted by it.
For anyone who needs to hear it today, your emotions are valid and it’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to be okay today. Just know that you will be okay again someday.
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