I Woke up in a Mental Hospital With No Clue Where I Was
Last year, I experienced one of the most difficult and scary nights of my entire life.I remember being fine one minute. The next I woke up in a mental hospital, with little clue as to where I was. In a second, I went from sane to insane.Nobody can really tell me what happened. How do you explain losing your mind?The last thing I consciously remember was lying in bed, texting my sister. When I go back on them now, I see the decline. My texts were incoherent and went on with random letters and phrases.The nurse told my mom, “They all break the same way.” What the hell does that mean?I keep trying to come up with answers to what happened and why it happened, and I keep coming up empty. There is no good explanation.There’s no one to talk to about it. Nobody else can understand it because they didn’t experience it. My family is traumatized in their own way, and bringing it up makes them relive the horror of it.Where does that leave me? The girl whose brain snapped on her. Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin processing that. And I’m left to process it all on my own.There’s nowhere to turn except inwards, which can be one of the most dangerous places of all.
Oddly, going through that experience and coming out on the other side has been the best thing to ever happen to me.In some ways, it feels like nothing has changed. In other ways, everything has changed. I’m the same person, and yet I’ll never be the same again.
You can’t go through trauma without growth.
We go through trauma and hell, but we can come out on the other side of it.There is hope.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1–800–273–8255, the Trevor Project at 1–866–488–7386, or text “HOME” to 741–741.
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