I Watched La La Land and Learned This Vital Life Lesson
What are you willing to sacrifice?
Recently, I watched La La Land with my mom. It’s a love story between Mia and Sebastian, played by Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling respectively.
They’re drawn together by their common desire to do what they love. But as they gain success in their careers, they are faced with sacrifices they have to make.
Mia and Sebastian must decide where their love lies and what to pursue.
Searching for happiness
Everyone in life is looking for one thing: fulfillment. Everyone wants something. It’s only a matter of if they will get it.
Fulfillment is that space where you feel at peace in life. You feel good, and it’s like the rest of the world doesn’t matter. It’s a state of bliss. You may not have it forever, it may come and go, but it’s the spot above everything else that grants you the ‘happiness’ you chase.
You may dream of travel and find fulfillment being an airplane stewardess. You may dream of being a mom and want a child more than anything.
Whatever it is, it’s there and we all have it.
The role you play
It’s been a popular narrative that there are certain roles each person is designed to fill. It’s this role you’re expected to fill.
For a long time, society has held the narrative that men are the ones who work while women stay at home and care for the family. This has its’ roots long ago. Back to when we had hunters and gatherers.
There was always one person who hunted and one who tended to the village. These roles have been filled by men and women.
Men are expected to be the money makers. They’re supposed to go out in the world, into their big jobs, and take care of business. Meanwhile, women are expected to take care of the family. It’s expected that women will have children and be the caretaker.
These expectations are changing. More often you see women full-fledged in the workplace and men staying at home to be dads.
There’s less distinction between who does what because families and their responsibilities are evolving.
As responsibilities evolve, there’s this desire to ‘do it all.’ You believe there is a way for you to have everything you want in life.
Nobody can have it all
Nobody can truly have it all, at least not at the same time. There is no work/life balance because one always takes precedence. Between work, kids, school, and hobbies, there’s no way for you to give your full attention to all of them.
You have limited energy and attention and you can’t spend it equally across the board or you won’t be effective. Everything you do requires energy. Unfortunately, you can’t have it all. Something is always going to have to give. Because your time and energy are limited.
That means some things are going to take priority while others fall by the wayside. If you have young children, it makes sense they’ll take up more of your time. You have less time to spend on yourself and work.
Eventually, you recognize you have to make a decision. There are always going to be tradeoffs. It’s up to you to decide what’s a priority.
Your ‘North Star’
You have to choose what those things are above all else because they act as your north star.
Once you know what you want, you can make decisions based on that. If you know you want to travel, then you can turn down that temp job that requires you to stay in one place.
Decide what you want.
Your wants guide your decisions in life.
Is it to be an actress? A writer? Do you want to have a family?
You have to put your energy where it matters most to you now.
There’s always going to be a give and take. Something has to give in order for you to be able to take. It’s up to you to decide what that’s going to be.
What are you willing to sacrifice?
You have to give things up in order to get what you want in life.
If you’re invested in something, it’s going to take all that time and energy. Then you won’t have it to give to other places. So, you have to choose how you spend it and decide what really matters.
I want a lot of things. I want to move out and start a new life for myself.
I want to travel. I’ve never really seen the world and I want to explore. I want to be in a relationship. I want to have a home and pets
And it’s a difficult decision. Sometimes it’s straight up impossible when desires conflict. You have to choose between the two.
Final thoughts
Here comes the twist in the movie: Mia and Sebastian don’t end up together. They make a mutual decision to part and follow their dreams. Each one makes the decision that their career is more important to them than their romantic life.
Making choices will always be part of life. You’ll have to make hard choices, and you won’t always like it. You’ll make tough decisions in the name of family or work and that’s okay.
You have your own path in life. You have your own wants, needs, and dreams. It’s okay to recognize them. And it’s okay if you don’t want to pursue them. What matters is that you’re happy with your decisions.
This is your life and you’re the one who's got to live it.
