How Shock Therapy Cured Me of My Depression
I went through the shock of a lifetime… literally
You can’t catch your breath. Your heart is racing a thousand miles a minute.The gears in your brain aren’t working. You’re talking yourself in circles, reaching hysterics, as the psychiatrist watches you with interest.You lie down in your mom’s lap as she tries to comfort you.That’s when the psychiatrist says it.“Your daughter needs ECT.”
The Shocking Solution
It all came to a head in December of 2020.After a series of unfortunate events, my brain malfunctioned and I ended up in the mental hospital.My brain kept misfiring, and I needed something to stop it.After the psychiatrist suggested electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), my mom and I were flabbergasted but intrigued.My mom was terrified. I was confused. My sister turned to research.
What is shock therapy?
ECT is a procedure where the patient is placed under anesthesia while mini seizures are induced in the brain.Electrodes placed on your temple send small electric currents that pass through your brain.It’s regarded as a treatment for several mental disorders, including severe depression.In the hospital, I went through a series of doctors. They were all mostly dismissive.Their big thing was to constantly change my diagnosis and medication.When I brought up ECT, my doctor convinced me I didn’t need it.Then, everything changed when I met her.
My lucky day
After all the doctors I went through, I found one who was willing to take a chance on me.She was randomly filling in for my doctor, who was out for the week and was visiting from a hospital in Charleston.To my luck, she worked in the ECT department. As she looked over my file, we discussed it briefly.She said I would be the perfect candidate and recommended me for a consult.The rest is history.
Prepping the patient
The call time is always ridiculously early.You have to be there two hours before the procedure, which often meant that you had to be there at 5:30 or 6:30 in the morning.When they call you back, you go into your room where you change into scrubs and wait patiently on the hospital bed.It’s always freezing, so you grab the blanket at the end of the bed and pull it over your body.The IV nurse, Sonja, comes in and starts an IV.The only place she can inject it is on your left hand because she can’t find a vein anywhere else. By the end of this, your left hand would be one giant bruise.Once you’re on fluids, you wait until the doctor comes in and you’re rolled back to the surgery room.
Procedure
In the surgery room, you watch as they prepare. They place electrodes on your head and monitors on your chest.They have a medical cocktail ready for injection. It’s a sedative to put you to sleep and an anti-seizure drug to keep you from spasms.The way they check your progress is through your right big toe. They place a blood pressure monitor around your ankle to halt the drug’s effects.The drugs enter your system and, for a moment, you’re paralyzed with fear. You feel an instant of panic and want to tell them to stop, but you don’t.The doctors speak to you calmly, talking you through, and sleep finally takes over.You don’t feel a single thing.
The recovery
You wake up in the recovery room, disoriented.You experience some brief memory loss.Often, you would wake up in the recovery room and not remember where you were or why you were there.It’s hard to eat for the first hour or two after the procedure because it’s hard to swallow food.You’re more forgetful and spacey, but it’s all temporary.
How long does it take to get results?
You start with an initial 12 sessions. ECT takes place three times a week — Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays — and you do it every week for a month. The whole procedure only takes about 30 minutes.Every few sessions, you take an assessment of your depression and anxiety levels.The doctor comes in and talks to you about your symptoms. He keeps asking, “Do you feel any depression?”12 sessions go by, and you’re still experiencing bouts of depression, so you signed on for another 12 sessions. All in all, you go through 24 sessions of ECT.One day, around session 18, the doctor comes in and asks you how you’re feeling. For once, you’re surprised. You keep thinking about it until you realize you haven’t been feeling any depression since the last visit.On your depression inventory, you score low.You’re pleasantly surprised.
The aftermath
As we begin to wrap up my time in ECT, my doctor discusses my role in my recovery.I’m tired as hell, but I don’t feel depressed, just listless. I’m set up with a psychiatrist and therapist to continue guiding my recovery process.‘You need to be an active participant in your recovery.’ That’s what I keep hearing from everyone.My sister gave me an example. “The medication and therapy are like floaties keeping you afloat in the ocean. But you have to do the work of swimming to shore.”It took months before the medication kicked in and I felt full of energy.Once it did, I started to genuinely enjoy life. I found myself engaging in meaningful hobbies and I started writing.Now, I’m here and I can say I’m happy.
A final note
I always thought depression would be something I had to live with. That I would always have to manage it, and it would always be there like an unwelcome roommate.Since I’ve completed ECT, I haven’t had a single spell of depression. I’m like a completely new person.I have interests and hobbies. I have a job. I find joy in my everyday life. I have hobbies that excite me. I actually feel excited to be alive.These feelings are all brand new and make the world around me come into focus. Where I used to dissociate and numb out, now I feel connected.I’m not going to lie. It took a long time before I found the right help that I needed. But I did find it. And my whole life is different now.Life may feel hopeless and helpless now, but there is light on the other side. I truly hope you can find yours.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1–800–273–8255, the Trevor Project at 1–866–488–7386, or text “HOME” to 741–741.
