The Dark Side of Happiness Hiding in Plain Sight
It was like a punch to the gut.I just got on Facebook to check it and I saw all these posts popping up on my timeline.RIP, Dead, Deceased, Rest in peace.I was in shock. All over my feed people were remorseful over a classmate’s death.I convinced myself it had to be a cruel joke. But when I reached out to one of our friends, she confirmed the horrifying news.He committed suicide at only 18.
The happy ones
John always seemed like a happy person. He was always laughing and cracking jokes. His smile would light up a room.We all loved him.But none of us knew the dark truth. He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t in a good place. He was struggling.
“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that” — Robin Williams.
I’ve known many people that present as happy and cheerful. But once you get up close, you see the cracks through their exterior.Something I’ve learned over the years is that people are excellent at faking things. They hide behind facades and put on a merry front.
The sad ones
One of my friends, Eileen, is the pinnacle of cheer. She loves to cheer people up. But when I spent one on one time with her, she talked openly about her struggles with mental health.She mentioned this phenomenon, which I’ve now heard from several of my close friends' experiences.Eileen was always ‘the happy one’ in her friend group. Except, she wasn’t actually happy. Any time she experienced sadness and tried to express it, her friends would dismiss it.People came to associate her with happiness, and that’s what they always expected.When she dared to be anything other than happy, it was a letdown.
Nora is one of the most bubbly, happy people I know. At least, that’s what she shows on the outside.Her exterior is painted as a happy-go-lucky soul, but on the inside, she’s burning alive. She expressed the same circumstances as Eileen. Whenever she let down her guard and showed her vulnerability, her ‘friends’ turned their backs on her.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” — Marilyn Monroe
Nora and Eileen are two examples of, what I expect are, many.We’re taught to mask our pain and play a certain part in society.Complaining is frowned upon and nobody wants to be around pessimism. It’s as if people think it’s contagious.It’s almost as if life isn’t perfect all the time.Our society is perfectly tailored to fit a certain mold. Always happy. Nothing is ever wrong. Everything is fine.
It lives inside of us. Every emotion in the book. And you can’t turn your emotions off. Your emotions are valid.You hold in those emotions and let them bottle up. At one point they’re going to explode. You can’t bottle your emotions.
A final note
You know people like John, Eileen, and Nora. People who struggle in silence while putting on a brave face.Maybe it’s your friends or family. Maybe it’s you.You’re called ‘strong’ as if it is weak to express emotion. It’s not.The ability to be vulnerable, and admit your feelings, is what makes you strong.Nobody deserves to suffer in silence. You deserve to be seen.I see you, and it’s okay to let others see too.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1–800–273–8255, the Trevor Project at 1–866–488–7386 or text “HOME” to 741–741.
