7 Simple Tips to Stop and Give Up Your Nasty People-Pleasing Habit
Keep a confidence file
You feel useless.You’re unworthy and need to prove your value. If you’re not helping others, what good are you doing? That’s why you find yourself going out of your way to people please.It’s a necessity that eases the tension inside you.You feel it’s your responsibility to make others feel okay, but it’s not.Here are 7 ways you can start to give up your people-pleasing habits.
Start small
You’re so used to people-pleasing you’re not sure you’ll ever be able to stop. You won’t be able to stop overnight, but you can start small.Take small steps with people you know and trust. Allow yourself to get comfortable. Change one small thing and see how it goes.Ask your friends to practice with you and explore different ways of shutting people down. Have them ask you questions you can say no to.
Set limits
If you can’t respect your own boundaries, neither will anyone else. Learn how to set boundaries for yourself and others.At first, you may feel selfish and guilty. That’s a normal response. Give yourself grace while you learn new skills.Create time limits for how long you will do something. Tell your friends you don’t want to eat Chinese for the third week in a row.
One word
It may be tempting to appease others. You want to tell them yes because then they’ll like you. But no matter what you do in life, someone will always dislike you.‘No.’ is a complete sentence. You do not need to give anyone reasons or excuses as to why you can’t do something.Practice saying no and enforcing your boundaries. Try saying, “No, I won’t be able to do that.” You’ll be surprised how empowering it is.
Spend time alone
People-pleasing is easy to do when you don’t know what your own values are. When you are able to sit in silence by yourself, you can find comfort.You get to know yourself on a more intimate level. Time alone allows you to discover what you really want and can help you face unpleasant feelings.Carve out some time and find a place to be quiet. Go to your room or go on a walk and get in tune with yourself.
Identify your priorities
Once you’ve spent time alone, you have a better idea of your priorities. You will have an inkling of what’s important to you.Listen to your gut. When you identify what is and isn’t important to you, you can learn to say no with more conviction.You decide writing is a priority, so you set time aside to write every day. Then don’t budge on that time. Say ‘no’ and keep your boundaries.
Don’t apologize
Other people’s feelings are not your responsibility. It is not your responsibility to say yes to anyone. It’s okay to say no.It is not your fault. You can do something without taking the blame for it.Say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” And remember you are not responsible for their feelings or actions.
Keep a confidence file
Every time you do something positive, make a note of it and put it in a jar. When you stand up for yourself and avoid people-pleasing, it’s a victory.You successfully said no and people respected it. Enjoy your wins and it will get easier every step of the way.Write your wins down on scraps of paper or keep a virtual list. Every time you need a confidence boost or a reminder, read it.
Final Thoughts
Imagine saying ‘no.’Imagine feeling strength.Imagine feeling worthiness.That’s what it looks like when you stop caving into people-pleasing. You give yourself value, regardless of others. Nobody else can determine your value. Only you, and you alone, have that power.
